god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
