my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
