somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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