How's work?
Spinning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The air was thick with penises
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
