Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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