Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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