I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
