I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
