i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
