Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
