I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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