Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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