i think my tv is drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
