Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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