drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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