You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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