put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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