If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
