mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
