I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize