im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
