I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
