I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I didn't notice because vodka
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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