i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
