She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
