dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
