we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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