When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
