dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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