Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
