I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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