so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
