I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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