We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
