Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
