I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
handjob tips. give me some.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
