I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
