I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
