I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
