Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
