i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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