Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
