apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
