i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
