Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
