Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
