im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
