9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
