we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
