I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
