u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
