I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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