you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
