I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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