Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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